Brotherly love

The reason for this entry, is that I wanted to talk about something. I'm not sure exactly what to say about this so I am just going to put my thoughts in this blog. I guess I'll start from a little explanation of where I'm coming from. I come from a family of 8 kids, four sisters, and three brothers, have two older sisters to older brothers, two younger sisters and one younger brother. I am the fourth from the bottom and fifth from the top, so I am that middle child. Now growing up I only lived with four my siblings closely. The two older sisters and two older brother was from my biological father, and the two younger sisters and one younger brother was from a different father but thesesiblings and I had the same mother. I'm going to go ahead and give you their names for this just easier that way, well it's not that easy but you'll see why. Two older sisters, Tammy, and Sherry and then I have two older brothers and Jerry Wayne and Jerry Alva Wilson. Now all four of them and I are from the same father, Jerry Wayne, Tammy, and Sherry come from a different mother. Jerry Alva and I have the same mother and father so we are what I called blood brothers. Jessica Angela and Joshua are from my mother and a different father. Now to make it even more complicatedmy father's name is Jerry and then my older brother's name is Jerry Wayne and then myother older brother who is my blood brother is named Jerry as well so you can imagine growing up with two older brothers named Jerry. And I have to tell you I looked up to both of them. My older brother Jerry Wayne, at blonde hair blue eyes extremely handsome tall and then my other brother Jerry Alva was, dark-haired pale skin and very handsome as well, and then there was me Loren blonde haired dark skin hazel eyes and felt out of place. When I was a baby Jerry Wayne was in my life but soon left after my father passed away and so it was just Jerry Jr. and I growing up together, Now Jerry was a jock, wrestling, football, and… I really should've known that I was gay back then because I didn't like any of those, I just figured it was because I didn't like my brother. Even though I didn't like him I wanted to be just like him, big, and strong, and he got the girls!… Later on I found out that that was a mute point so I grew up with a jock and always longing for my oldest brother Jerry Wayne to be in my life because he's the one that I really felt connected to even know we hadn't  seen each other since I was 10 months old until I was in my 20s. I do remember stories of he and Tammy and Sheri taking care of us, and I and I think I remember a photo from Wayback when of all of us kids in the front room sitting together in one place.I just remember growing up with the feeling of abandonment, and knowing that there was a brother that I felt closer to, that wasn't near me, and that loss that goes with it.throughout the years I would contact him, to check in and see how he was doing. We kept in contact for a long time until my older sister passed away from cancer. And then he disappeared.he just recently surfaced into my life, I'm extremely happy, and I can't wait to see and hear more about his life. We have definitely gotten older, and more great haired.The thing about my life is that I love my family, and no matter what happens they are mine.I am good friends with my brother Jerry Junior. And friends with my older brother Jerry Wayne. I cherish my family above everything and I love them both.my only wish is that my real dad or my biological dad was here to see how wonderful we grew up.despite him not being here